Thursday night’s Oklahoma City competition was somewhat of a mishmesh and the judges were tossing out some very unjudgelike jibes and vibes, not to mention giving out tarnished golden tickets. I was at a loss as to how to describe Oklahoma’s newest “musical”. Then . . .
American Idol Host Ryan Seacrest
I borrowed some quotes from the 1955 musical “Oklahoma” to describe some of the unlikely stuff that happened in OK City Thursday night:
It ain’t so much a question of not knowing what to do . . . I Cain’t Say No — You’d think Zoanette Johnson, the 19-year-old star-spangled anthem singer, had just knocked the sense right out of the judges when she rolled over them like a human tsunami from hell. Because somehow, someway, she wound up with a golden ticket. She was right up there with Roseanne Barr in her rendition of the Star Spangled Banner, and I don’t remember the panel putting her through no-way, no-how. The last I heard before Zoanette started sashaying out the door was a clash of yes’s and no’s from the judges when they tried (and failed) to do their 1-2-3 yes or no thing.
If [they’d] liked me any more, [they’d] sic the dogs on me — Judges were cruel to poor deluded Anastacia Freeman who tried, and failed, to sing “Unbreak My Heart”. If the faceless Idol group who puts these people through to be judged by the musical stars think this is funny, they have a sick sense of humor. And so do the final judges who laughed at her. It is wholesale bullying because they can get away with it.
They’ve gone about as fur as they can go. Together, that is. When Halie Hilburn hit center stage with her puppet sidekick Oscar, I was charmed and entertained. That Halie got tarred with the same brush as Zoanette (meaning “weird”) made me see red. Halie is not only a very good ventriloquist, I loved her singing (I Want to Be a Cowboy’s Sweetheart). And I loved Oscar’s yodeling. I think it was a travesty that Oscar didn’t get a golden ticket and Zoanette did. That just goes to prove there’s no justice in this world. And anybody who didn’t love the Idol moment with Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” playing, and Oscar sadly dragging off afterward and ending up getting “canned”, is just too jaded for my taste. I’m thinking about a picket line in Hollywood with banners that read, “BRING BACK OSCAR! BRING BACK OSCAR!! Who’s with me? . . . Hey, where’d everybody go?
SING! SING! C’mon now! Sing! – My favorites Thursday night were Halie Hilburn, the self-styled puppeteer, and Nate Tao, whose parents are deaf and, of course, have never heard him sing. Nate wanted to get a Hollywood ticket to prove to his parents that, yes, he really, really can sing. Though this nice-looking Asian sign language teacher was conservatively dressed, there was nothing conservative about the ease in which he flowed into Stevie Wonder’s “For Once in My Life”. Keith Urban called it easy and effortless. And everyone knows Stevie Wonders’ songs are not easy OR effortless to sing.
Oh, I thought you were somebody. The very last “contestant” was a strange-looking big blonde named Pepper. But it was only Steven Tyler come to spice up the rather bland evening in obvious and hilarious drag. But since this dude was no lady, and he couldn’t be persuaded to sing, Steven was disappointed when judges essentially told him, You can just pack up your duds and scoot.
Thus, Oklahoma’s Idol day in the sun did not go out with a bang, but with a whimper. And a rather funny one at that.